On 9th December 2008, I said this, "My life starts now!" and promptly submitted my resignation. The past 5 years has been a blur, I really don't have much memory other than the long working hours, passing out on the various opportunities to have fun. I was merely existing, pulled along by the lure of the money. Despite the fact that I had long searched and found my jigsaw puzzle piece....I plodded on...content to slog away. I was in my comfort zone. Face it, I spent more time in the office than at home or for that matter anywhere else on the face of this earth.
On one fateful Chinese New Year gathering, one of my aunts made a passing comment..."Do you have a life outside of working?Isn't it too depressing?" That got me wondering about my next step, of cos' the workload helped to push that to the back of my mind....I had more pressing issues, deadlines to meet, clients to please...and so I continued running the wheel. I knew I wanted out, I knew what I wanted to do...I just didn't have the courage
The pressure is mounting...I am unable to breathe...I was crushed underneath...I was flailing my arms desperately, thrashing about only to realise that all this while, I had been doing the exact opposite. I wasn't seeking any way out, I was merely sinking deeper....digging deeper. I was going under about to be engulfed by the darkness when...something changed.
So what made me wake up my idea? Odd as it may sound....it was the death of dominic's uncle....the memories of him were those of dominic and they were all good. I was at the mortuary and eventually at the send off....it pained me so much I was in constant tears. I began to dissect my sorrow down inside of me, then I knew that not all my tears were for him....they were for me. I knew then that if I were to die tomorrow, I would have tons of regrets.
Regrets for having turned down my ever enthusiastic niece's request to take her to the zoo...regrets for not having done something as small as simply agreeing to meet a friend. The guilt for having said yes to an appointment was suffocating, for that meant I had to sacrifice my sleep that night. So I would say that I am renewed now, liberated is the right choice of word.
However...I forgot being jobless brings about an onslaught of issues...which for now I shall leave for my later posts.
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