Some girls have all the luck~

My impression of you started at the bottom and....its been downhill ever since!While every girl has the right to be ugly, you have seriously abused that privilege! You are worthless both inside and out!

YOU have absolutely no charm and your personality is virtually non-existent. You are uncouth, face it you sneeze with all the grace of a truck driver. You are vulgar, WHICH female punctuates her sentences with abusive vulgarities. I have tried, I really did and despite having searched long and hard I am unable to find a single redeeming quality in you. NONE...ZIP!!! 

Scum defined courtesy of wordweb -

1) Worthless people

2)  A film of impurities or vegetation that can form on the surface of a liquid.

We decided to take that definition a step further. Afterall it is pretty vague, what is worthlessness? So further defined, a scum of the universe would be someone lacking in all of the following qualities:

1) Looks

2) Body

3) Wealth

4) Intellect

5) Personality

Congratulations, you are the FIRST human to have satisfied all 5 qualities. I mean, most people at least have one of the above?! So you have officially been awarded the prestigious title of Scum of the Universe.

However having said all of this, you've managed to snag a really good lover. Despite the saying love is blind, this takes on a whole new meaning! He who permits you to hurl vulgarities at, abuse physically and utterly embarrass in public without so much of a whimper. Have you ever spared a thought about your image, even if not for the poor guy's ego?

This man silently swallows your abuse and despite all that consistently showers you with gifts. This is not some balding man in his 40s with a paunch the size of a basketball. He is a handsome young chap, with good qualifications and financial standing and not forgetting a hot bod to boot!  

Well....if there is one thing looking up for you, it would be that some girls have all the luck and you have better hope and pray that yours never runs out.