Death Note

We were talking the other day over lunch, about being to plan out the rest of your life right down to the very second. What would you do differently? How would you spend that time? We all agreed that we would take it easy if it falls within a time frame of months to one year. Focus would then be placed on ensuring proper hand-overs.

Then came the next question, would you be willing to trade 10 years off your life for the ability to see the time remaining on the life clock of another? This of cos' is from a scene in the popular series Death Note. However there is a risk that you could drop dead that instant the deal was made, after all you would not know how much time you have left on your life clock. Well the benefits of knowing, would be that you could make money out of it, entering into deals with those with little time left. However if you asked me? I rather know my own, so I can determine if its worth all the heartache now.

However in the imperfect world that we live in, the only certainty is uncertainty. So we would never know. Besides we also concluded that first you would need to find Death's notebook before you could even strike that deal with him. So....

Meaningless humour

Someone sent me this youtube. Kudos to the one who made it. Wahahahah~

N.E.E.T

I made this interesting revelation today, I have officially become a N.E.E.T. This is not something I am entirely proud of but over the years as continued to sink myself deeper into my job, I stopped having a social life. I was always so busy, so absorbed by my work, I simply did not have the time to have a social life. Everyday was work dan sleep and work again followed by little sleep. I did not meet my friends and thus the number of friends(outside of office) became lesser. There were a few choice individuals who hung around despite countless of disappointment from me and towards them I am eternally grateful. You are my last hope of any human contact.

I went out today, and best of all, via public transport! Rare isn't it? The fact that I went out by myself and more so that I took a bus! I have been pampered by him, ferrying me everywhere I wanted to go. The events that led up to this were....He is away in China and I am left to my own devices. I was supposed to meet my sister to do some shopping while my niece was in class. I drove home to park my car to avoid the risk of having to make unwilling contributions to the government. I went back to feed the hamster and check on the house. As we are creatures of the night, the place we live in was decorated with the intention to keep the light out. Despite the noise from the main road just beside our place, the shaded comfort was respite from the blazing afternoon sun. As I sat in the living room, under the fan and I was seriously tempted to just remain as such for the rest of the day. I thought if I didn't have him would I become a Hikikomori? 

I refused to admit that so I braved the blazing heat and went out. However the first thing that struck my mind as I went into the shopping complex was these few words "I hate crowds! WHY did I come out in the first place?!".

Definitions(courtesy of wikipedia)

N.E.E.T is an acronym for the government classification "Not currently engaged in Employment, Education or Training. 

Hikikomori (ひきこもり or 引き籠もり) literally means "pulling away, being confined", and is used to describe individuals who have chosen to withdraw from social life and seeking isolation. 

Happy Anniversary ar bee!

I was reading my sister's two cents worth on the new MCYS commercial. It struck a chord in me too and I found tears welling up inside me for awhile. Well what can I say.. I've always been too sensitive for my own good. Anyway I recalled this quote I once read.

"Snoring is the sweetest music this side of heaven. Ask any widow." - unknown

I was deeply touched by this quote but I was a mere teenager when I came across this quote, so I feel I may not have truly grasp the essence of the quote. Now that I am older and I would like to think wiser, I feel I can truly appreciate and relate to it.

I know it is human nature to not know contentment and it is only human to demand more and expect to have to give out less in return. However, the death of his uncle recently made me think about alot of things (refer to first post). I feel alot for his aunty especially since she was so dependent on him and is now left to fend for herself. If its one thing that they taught me, they taught me to appreciate the simplest things in life and all those around me. Cos' life is that fragile. This is why I get so upset when I see my parents like this. I get very hurt to see that they choose not to be happy. That emotional rollercoaster is worth an essay on its own so I shall leave it for another post. 

I am a firm believer that couples who start out as friends last longer and also serious couples should try living with each other before diving straight into marriage. This may however be taboo for the more conservative sort. I once wrote about the components of a successful relationship in my last blog. I originally posted that with the intention to convince my best friend to give it another shot at her relationship, afterall that was our winning formula.

Fate

Tracing back to our beginnings, way back to when we were merely friends and living in Australia, he being the lost kitten which I adopted into my home. (My house was just behind the Uni and he was a bum). We started out as lecture buddies, keeping each other company cos' I din really fit into the gang and he got outcasted cos' of that as well. 

Communication

We would call each other every night at 8pm just to make use of the Optus Yes time and it was really just that, for sometimes we would just have the fone on speaker and carry on with our stuff, remembering only to hang up every 20mins and take turns to call back. Afterall we already paid for it, so why not make use of it. He would stay over when he was lazy to go home or on when there was an early morning lecture the next day. 

Now that I am reminiscing our past, I would equate the conversations we had over the phone or at the balcony outside my room to a catch-ball session. This was something new to me, for I had never before met someone who shared my same wavelength. Even now, we still talk all the time, about anything and everything, right up to before we fall asleep. We made a intriguing revelation the other day and while I know its really weird, I cannot maintain eye contact with anyone other than him during a conversation. It is the same for him. So if there is such a thing as a soulmate, he is definitely one for me.

Understanding

I know that because we were buddies before lovers, because we had presented ourselves at face value with no markups, there was no after purchase disappointment, we both got the real deal. Because we had a taste of what marriage life entails, we are able to live with each other. 

He saw my morning face, I knew he snored. I am chaos reincarnated, I would leave trails of me all over the house (crumbs and all), so he picks up after me. I open bags of snacks only to pick at them alittle then leave them to rot in the fridge. He was brought up to not waste food. We have our differences, we know them and accept them. So now even though I do all the preparation and slave over the stove while he puts his legs up and have shootouts with zombies on Resident Evil. I know that in exchange he would be doing the mountain of dishes while I boogie with the maracas on Samba de Amigo. I forget to mention that the kitchen looks like a tornado swept through it after I'm through with it. 

Perserverance

We knew all the little peculiarities that made us us, because we hung around each other for more than 8hours a day, everyday.  There was no respite, nowhere to run to when we had a fight, we had no choice but to resolve it before bedtime.  Of course all of these merely helped build the foundation for our relationship, we worked hard at resolving our differences. Okay mostly he did, I was just one spoilt brat. But his patience gave me the opportunity to grow up. 

Positivity

I am pessimistic by nature. I find little meaning in my existence, my parents helped reinforce that on a daily basis. But if I had one good thing going for me in this life, it would be him. Despite only being 2 years older, he watches over and protects me somewhat similiar to that of a doting pet owner.(Yes, he thinks I am a pet.) He's always reaching over to ruffle my hair or pinch my cheek at the same time cooing.."sooo cute!" . And I am like ????!!! cos' in my opinion I did not perform a trick worthy of that. 

7 years has since passed from when we first crossed the line from friends to lovers and of cos' this is an abbreviated version of our journey together, but we should focus on the good right. Happy Anniversary ar bee . You were right, the honeymoon period need never end. 

Sweetheart

Yesterday, while looking at pictures, you suddenly said:"This is a picture of yiyi and her sweetheart, that's me. I am yiyi's sweetheart, right?" 

Sweetheart, when the day comes and I have become old, naggy and totally uncool. And well...not exactly the choice person to hang around with, will you still remember this day?When you were this proud to be my sweetheart.

ひつぜん

このよにぐうぜんなんてないわ,あるのわひつぜんだけ.

There is no such thing as 'coincidence' in this world, all there is, 

is inevitability.

Just for today..

I've always set my goals high..my expectations of my capabilities above that of the common people and dreamt big. I was different, had always been different. All those naysayers that had plagued my life since young knew I was different. I was the "scheming one". Yes I was and I always knew my next 3 moves before I made my first. I knew the chain of causation and played it to my best advantage. 

This is how I've lived my life. Every step I took, I calculated and along the way, I had to alter my dreams/aspirations, due to certain decisions made either due to my own inadequacies or situational reasons beyond my control. However I always came up with new moves to bring me back on to the ultimate path, the one path that would lead me out of this mundane life. Today I am humbled, I was far more stuck in this quicksand than I chose to believe and this common life that I resented with my entire being, had slowly yet surely, become my everything.

I've been dealt with the sad truth of how small my world had gotten and far away I actually am from where I had dreamt I'd be. What did I do wrong along the way? I have yet to find the answer, so today just for today, let me wallow in self-pity. Let me lament at how meaningless my life had become. Let me hate being alive and Let me indulge in the darkness and let it swallow me whole. 

And tomorrow I will put on my brave front again, don my battle regalia, devise a new war strategy and press on. 

Sunday in the Heartlands

Typical sundays begin with waking late into the afternoon. This sunday started out no different from usual, afterall we had spent the night before and well into the early morning hours, jamming hard to Guitar Hero:Metallica. Honestly, I am surprised our neighbours have not set the cops on us yet, I think we aren't exactly on our neighbours' favourite list now. 

We woke to find the fridge devoid of anything "cookable", so we had no choice but to go out. We decided to head for Tampines One, the latest mall, to check out Uniqlo & UT and how "singaporeanized" it has become. After several misadventures, small thanks to our designated driver, we finally parked the car and headed for the mall. 

We found the mall to be as insanely crowded as the roads leading up to it. It was madness in the heartlands, it seemed as though the entire population living in Tampines decided jointly to drive there and shop there that very sunday. There were queues everywhere! Not to mention that there was a long snake of humans outside Uniqlo (reminded me of Ginza H&M only way more subdued). It was alittle tasteless seeing the shop assistants bowing to customers as they shoved their way in. Firstly, this is Singapore and you think these people are gonna give a damn about basic courtesy. Face it, these people need their government to TELL them to be graceful/courteous and to smile!And it was equally foolish to see the shop assistants bowing, that is the thing about Singapore isn't it, what you do not have, you make replicas or simply copy!

So my verdict?Uniqlo/UT no more. It has lost its appeal and became just another singapore store.Right now, I seriously hope they have not brought in those designs I got in Japan. 

My perfect Alibi

I've been doing a crash course on CSI, catching up since Season 1. I've got to admit that I may have OD-ed on it. However that is not the reason for the title I have chosen for this post. 

As sleep eludes me once again, I thought about how my work used to be was my perfect alibi. I could always place blame on it. I recalled those countless nights I spent in the office, pouring my entire self into my work and feeling that slight twinge of guilt for not having spent time with my parents and silently cursing my work for leaving me with so little time. 

However I've got to admit that its not only just the work that I do not take time to be with them. I do know that they may not be here for much longer. We are only human and life is that fragile. This could be my last post for all I know or in a second I could be drawing my last breath. However I am stumped cos whenever I try to do something nice for them, and believe me I do try, I always get my efforts stuffed right back into my face. Be it a trip I took time to plan for them, or simply taking them out to dinner. Its so emotionally draining and I am already exhausted from trying to keep them happy. It sounds stupid really but I feel as though I am forking out good money to get myself upset. 

So much so...I do not know what to do anymore. 

Of Darkness & Light

"You walk in Darkness, my friend..Look to the Light"

                                    To which I replied:" I tried...it hurt my eyes.''

Culinary Exploits II

Another lazy sunday, decided to try and maintain a 3 dish minimum for lunch. Wonder if I can keep it up though...

Lunch is served!

Eggs with tomato. Classic china food. Wonder why my eggs always wind up in bits

Barbeque Beef with Onions. Despite having been advised to steer clear of red meat. My argument? My good cholesterol is high too...so they cancel out.

Dinner time, I decided to keep it light so its pasta. I got this idea from my sis's maid. Simple and nice. The only twist was the shape of the pasta, its machines. I couldn't resist taking a picture.

There's the train, the car, the vespa and the plane! Sooo cute!

Here's how they look cooked!

Tomato-based sauce with minced beef and sausages.

Our dinner table..

Culinary exploits I

Sundays are eat-in days, where the 3 of us do nothing for the entire day except immerse ourselves in alot of visual treats. We wake late in the day, have a late lunch and spend the rest of the day lazing in bed with the laptop on. So being stuck at home, the boys have only my cooking to contend with. These are some shots of the food I stuff them with.

Lunch @ 3pm

Oyakodon and campbell chicken & mushroom soup.

 

Close-up shot of the food =)

Dinner at 10pm (come on lunch was late....)

3 dishes...missing a soup to complete the picture eh?

Preparing for dinner...does look spicy rite?

Kung Bo Chicken...yumm!

Someone said it was a tad too salty though

Spinach with lotsa garlic jus the way i like it....

Some girls have all the luck~

My impression of you started at the bottom and....its been downhill ever since!While every girl has the right to be ugly, you have seriously abused that privilege! You are worthless both inside and out!

YOU have absolutely no charm and your personality is virtually non-existent. You are uncouth, face it you sneeze with all the grace of a truck driver. You are vulgar, WHICH female punctuates her sentences with abusive vulgarities. I have tried, I really did and despite having searched long and hard I am unable to find a single redeeming quality in you. NONE...ZIP!!! 

Scum defined courtesy of wordweb -

1) Worthless people

2)  A film of impurities or vegetation that can form on the surface of a liquid.

We decided to take that definition a step further. Afterall it is pretty vague, what is worthlessness? So further defined, a scum of the universe would be someone lacking in all of the following qualities:

1) Looks

2) Body

3) Wealth

4) Intellect

5) Personality

Congratulations, you are the FIRST human to have satisfied all 5 qualities. I mean, most people at least have one of the above?! So you have officially been awarded the prestigious title of Scum of the Universe.

However having said all of this, you've managed to snag a really good lover. Despite the saying love is blind, this takes on a whole new meaning! He who permits you to hurl vulgarities at, abuse physically and utterly embarrass in public without so much of a whimper. Have you ever spared a thought about your image, even if not for the poor guy's ego?

This man silently swallows your abuse and despite all that consistently showers you with gifts. This is not some balding man in his 40s with a paunch the size of a basketball. He is a handsome young chap, with good qualifications and financial standing and not forgetting a hot bod to boot!  

Well....if there is one thing looking up for you, it would be that some girls have all the luck and you have better hope and pray that yours never runs out.

Aspirations

I am very certain at some point in your early childhood years, your english teacher made you write one such composition, titled "My ambition". So what was my ambition?

I was pretty certain of what I wanted to be become, enthusiastically devouring any law-related movies and books. I would completely immerse myself in them, subconciously trying to memorise those witty closing statements by the crimimal lawyers on law & order. In hope that some day I would get to use them myself. 

The signs were right, the passion was there. This was the field for me. I was in the top 2% of my entire cohort for all my law subjects in university and well.... probably the exact opposite end of the spectrum for my accounting ones....

However as I grew up, several wrong turns along the way, misguided decision making gone awry. I winded up somewhere completely not where I intended to be.  I became an auditor... WTH??!!

Maiden Post

I meant to start a new blog for the longest of time, but never got round to doing it...Finally!

On 9th December 2008, I said this, "My life starts now!" and promptly submitted my resignation.  The past 5 years has been a blur, I really don't have much memory other than the long working hours, passing out on the various opportunities to have fun. I was merely existing, pulled along by the lure of the money.  Despite the fact that I had long searched and found my jigsaw puzzle piece....I plodded on...content to slog away. I was in my comfort zone. Face it, I spent more time in the office than at home or for that matter anywhere else on the face of this earth. 

On one fateful Chinese New Year gathering, one of my aunts made a passing comment..."Do you have a life outside of working?Isn't it too depressing?" That got me wondering about my next step, of cos' the workload helped to push that to the back of my mind....I had more pressing issues, deadlines to meet, clients to please...and so I continued running the wheel. I knew I wanted out, I knew what I wanted to do...I just didn't have the courage

The pressure is mounting...I am unable to breathe...I was crushed underneath...I was flailing my arms desperately, thrashing about only to realise that all this while, I had been doing the exact opposite. I wasn't seeking any way out, I was merely sinking deeper....digging deeper. I was going under about to be engulfed by the darkness when...something changed.

So what made me wake up my idea? Odd as it may sound....it was the death of dominic's uncle....the memories of him were those of dominic and they were all good. I was at the mortuary and eventually at the send off....it pained me so much I was in constant tears. I began to dissect my sorrow down inside of me, then I knew that not all my tears were for him....they were for me. I knew then that if I were to die tomorrow, I would have tons of regrets. 

Regrets for having turned down my ever enthusiastic niece's request to take her to the zoo...regrets for not having done something as small as simply agreeing to meet a friend. The guilt for having said yes to an appointment was suffocating, for that meant I had to sacrifice my sleep that night. So I would say that I am renewed now, liberated is the right choice of word. 

However...I forgot being jobless brings about an onslaught of issues...which for now I shall leave for my later posts.